The Reality of my "Not Real Children"

I came across a pregnant woman the other day.  I won't say where but most of you would know.  We began talking.  She was pregnant with her first child.  Her husband and parents were there.  We were all introduced.  She told me her parents were really excited b/c this was their first grandchild.  How sweet I thought.  I asked if she was an only child.  No. She had a brother.  I casually say "but no children yet huh?". Her response: "well yeah he has a child, but he is adopted from foster care".  I calmly say "So your baby actually isn't the first grandchild is it!???"

My comment tooks some balls, but unfortunately she didn't "get it".  She only says "well this is their first "real" grandchild."

This is what I have to say:  "Shame shame shame on you lady!  For thinking that because you chose to become impregnated to start and built your family that your child is more "real" than this adopted child that your brother has taken in, from Lord knows what situation, and is making "his own".  Shame shame shame on you! And shame shame shame on your mother for giving you this idea."  It's just a guess.

When are people going to get it?

My children do not share my genetic composition. I am not their biological mother.  I don't pretend to be.  I will never replace those two women who gave birth to my children. And due to unfair and horrific life circumstances, they are not with their biological mothers.  This will always make me sad for my babies.  But since late August 2009 I have been their "real" mother.  I will always be their "real" mother.  They are my "real" children.

And I want to scream out when my children or any adopted children are referred to as "not real". Or when people ask me if I am going to have "my own real" children. You would be shocked how often it happens.

Well guess what pregnant lady with your  biological "real" child: My children are "real"!  They are real and here and alive.  They walk and talk and run and jump.  They giggle with innocent joy.  They dance to the "Wiggles" and "Soul Sister".  The hug and kiss and snuggle.  They push and yell and fight.  They throw their little bodies on the floor in a screaming tantrum fit louder than anything I've ever heard before.  My son loves green vegetables.  My daughter's new love in life is Elmo.  Elmo and cousin "Ne Ne". They ask for popsicles and tic tacs a hundred times a day.  They tell me they want to go see their Nana and Papa when they aren't happy with my parenting. They brighten up my entire world.  I am quite certain they bring complete joy to their "not real" father as well.

I carried them  in my arms for weeks and months as they clung to me with fear in their eyes.  I nurtured their open wounds both physical and emotional. My "not real" daughter still has the the scars of her sweet face from those wounds. I have spent hours and hours in hospitals and emergency rooms with my "not real" asthmatic son.  I have applied ointment and shoved pills into their mouths in attempt to kill a fungus that was taking over their bodies.  A fungus that I subsequently inherited for months and months as did my mother.  My  mother, who by the way, would never think these children anything but her "real" grandchildren. I changed over a dozen a day "not real" diapers for months caused by rare infectious parasites residing in my children's intestines.  Let me tell you, it doesn't get any more real than that.

I can't imagine life without these two "not real" children.  I would have a very difficult time walking through this life if anything ever happened to either one of them.  Many years ago I didn't think I wanted or needed to have biological children.  Now I am certain of it.  There is nothing I feel I have missed or am missing.  I am a mother.  As "real" a mother as any.  And they are my "very own" and "very real" children whether pregnant lady or anyone else thinks so or not.

And just another little tidbit about having  "real children".  Now I'm not saying I would go through with it, but I have yet to find a doctor who would be willing to perform a tubal ligation(getting my tubes tied so I never become pregnant) simply because I haven't had any of "my own" children yet.  Yes even the highly educated don't "get it". Insert scream here.